Patience

“Patience is the art of hoping” Luc de Clapiers Patience

We all know writing isn’t easy, there’s the research, the ploughing through writer’s block, the self-doubt. It takes time and effort to write a book even if you are sitting in your pyjamas with copious cups of coffee and a large plate of cake at your side. Little did I realise that was the fun part; falling in love with your characters, laughing at their mishaps, travelling by their side until page 246. That, however, was so easy compared to when you finish the dreaded synopsis, hitting the send button to send the manuscript out into the world, like a child on their first day at school.

Yes, yes I realise it takes weeks if not months to hear back from agents and publishers. I’m not stupid, well not much. They are busy people; they have cake too! What I didn’t know was just how stressful the waiting is. Wondering every morning is today the day? Will it be good news; will it be bad?  It took what? 2 weeks before I began checking my emails, casually at first a couple of times a day.  Now it’s all I can think about and yes it does wear you down.

Maybe someone deleted it by mistake? Perhaps I should phone and check? Oh God, it’s so awful they’ve thrown it in the bin and forgotten to tell me. Then again no news is good news or so they say. Who the fuck are “they” anyway?  It’s so frustrating the endless waiting; email checks go up to around 10 times a day around the end of the third week.

Maybe I should stop writing the sequel after all if nobody likes the first one what’s the point? Two short stories, a pitch for a children’s book about Daisy & Drake two adorable baby dragons, fifteen cups of coffee and twenty-six clicks on Gmail later. I am going out of my mind.

A walk that’s the answer, fresh air, clear my head. I reach the end of the street before I start to hyperventilate. What if someone calls while I’m out? Do they even call? There is no 4G, oh mercy I can’t check my emails. Messing about with my mobile, I nearly get taken out by an oncoming Greggs van. This is killing me literally!

There’s nothing I can do, it’s out of my control, frustrating, nerve-wracking as it is I just need to wait for the same as everybody else. Perhaps I could start therapy or maybe download Candy Crush to take my mind off things. Maybe I should embrace the pain, after all, it can’t be as bad as if they say no. God, I need more cake and…. Wine. First, I think I’ll just go and check my emails.

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